Audrey and I have colds. It is my first cold in a while and Audrey’s first real cold, ever. It can be amazing how the onset of any kind of sickness can force life to be put on hold for a little bit. Even though sickness is no fun, I don’t completely mind it this time around (partly because though it is yucky, at least it isn’t something completely debilitating). Having a cold has forced me to let go of busyness for a week and focus on just getting me and my daughter feeling better.

Thankfully this forced pause has also come at the very end of Jon’s semester and he is now officially done with school as of yesterday (until the next round this fall). This means he has  been able to help me with the things I normally take care of (dinner, laundry, etc) so that I can rest.  Naptime hasn’t been this necessary and wonderful since giving birth to Audrey!

I am especially glad for this pause because I know that once I feel better again, life will become a race to the finish line. There is packing, organizing, preparing and celebrating to do in the next month & a half.  We will have various visitors coming, Jon graduates May 20th/21st, and we move to NY (for the summer) in mid June. That is alot to do and it is surreal to know how quickly it is all approaching – especially since it all still seems so far away. But…it’s not.  Before all the craziness really begins though, I have this break.  I must embrace it now before it slips away…

Don’t worry though, I don’t want to be sick forever  (and especially not have my baby sick to much longer either). Soon, by God’s grace , we will be back in action.  Meanwhile, time for another nap…

Yesterday was Audrey’s first Easter. We were able to spend the weekend with my parents and brother in Long Island. It was so fun to see Audrey get to know her grandparents and uncle better. We even got to video Skype with my sister.

Along with rejoicing in the resurrection of our Saviour Jesus yesterday, we were able to have Audrey dedicated. In an intimate family setting, in agreement with my grandparents, Uncle’s family and parents and brother, we dedicated our daughter to God. We committed to raise her up in the knowledge of God, that she might allow Jesus to be her Savior someday too. It was a special time. I am thankful to have both immediate and extended family that love the Lord. I pray that we might be able to touch the world, little by little as we live out our faith.

Christ is Risen. Christ is Risen Indeed. The grave could not hold him. Hallelujah!

1 Timothy 1:7 -”For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

The words of this verse resonated in my mind today as my thoughts were quite the opposite. I was suddenly enveloped by fear and worry, sparked by a late night awakening by a nearby commotion in a neighboring apartment that I could not control (everything ended up being ok, but I prayed fervently during it….). Today, lack of sleep encouraged my worries even after I found out things were ok…and then I find out about the sudden death of someone I knew from BFA and an inconsolable crying baby. Combine all of those things and you have worry, grief and fear that I as a mother am inadequate to help my child. In my mind I was on my knees in front of the Father crying “HELP!!” Thankfully God did send help in the form of my husband and a chance to get out of the house – esp. just to help my crying baby. She was able to get the sleep she needed today, even after a very difficult morning. (These are the moments that remind me that parenting isn’t just a new way of life, but truly a tough job.)

Though the extenuating circumstances have calmed, the fight against fear and worry is still nagging around my mind. The irony is part of the cause of the fear happened to someone else. I wonder if I am too empathetic sometimes…embrace another person’s problem or situation so much that that I feel the fear/worry they might be feeling. It is something I constantly have to give to God. Allow Him to work in the other person’s life and take my worry out of it – or just turn that worry into more intercession on their behalf.

Sometimes I turn the concerns of others and then ask the “what ifs” of my own life. I hear my daughter scream and think something tragic must be wrong. A little noise will make me jump internally (or physically). What if we will be robbed (or get in a car wreck, lose a close loved one, lose friends, go broke, etc.)? To be overwhelmed with these what ifs (in the negative), is a different place for me to be. I am usually a perpetual optimist – to a fault – God will provide, God is working etc. Hard things ground me. Yet instead of living in fear – allowing that to swallow my positivity, I need to allow faith to take control. As it says in 2 Timothy, God gave us as believers a spirit of power, love and a sound mind – not fear. That is a work of evil, that makes us doubt ourselves, doubt God. The verses right before this talk about Timothy’s sincere faith, passed on from his mother and grandmother. Faith, which has more power than fear. The flame of faith needs to be “fanned” – not blown out. (Keep in mind that this passage has other things it is saying, and that I am taking it partly out of context. These are my initial impressions. Paul goes on in the passage about the difficulty of living for God, and reminding us how we have been called to a holy life by his purpose and grace.)

Ultimately, the Lord is with us and working in us in the good and the bad. We need to give up the fear to him, so it may be replaced by the power of God. It can be a one step forward, two steps back journey. I am still learning it. Tonight I must do this as I go to sleep and prepare for a new day. I must give God my fear for others and for myself and allow Him to work. His burden is easy compared to the chains in which my mind encircles me.

May we be strong in the grace that is in Jesus Christ.

Months. We only have a few more months to live here in New Haven. It seems like only yesterday since we moved in (especially since we have lived 2 places here in New Haven in less than 2 years!).  As of  June of this year a new journey will begin. Jon will graduate from Yale in May and soon after, he will begin a PhD program for New Testament at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia.

It is a surreal thing to have a cap on our life here in New Haven. We have been beginning to plan our next steps, but moving still seems far away…yet it’s not. It will be a broken up summer – before fully moving down South, Jon will be going to Israel. He received a fellowship from Yale to go on an archaeological dig in Ashkelon. While he is sweltering in the hot sun, Audrey and I will be spending a month in New York with my family. It will be good to live somewhere familiar before we move to somewhere new. I’m glad that Audrey will have more time with her grandparents before we are far away again.

We will miss this old college town of New Haven. It has been an honor to have Jon attend Yale Divinity School. He has made many connections and learned much. We love our friends here. We love our church. We will miss the old classic buildings. It has been fun taking advantage of the different activities here. We do not regret coming here to New Haven. It has been  so great living near my family. So blessed to have them near when Audrey was born. We have much to be thankful for.

Georgia will bring new things. I have never lived south before. It will be interesting to see if Audrey picks up an accent (and if my accent will morph into something completely different yet again). I am excited to see new things and explore new places. Apparently the world’s largest aquarium is right in Atlanta!  We will be moving nearer to Jon’s brother and family which is exciting. It will be great to have a few more chances to get the cousins together.

This journey will be a new step of faith. May we have the faith of a mustard seed – and see God grow it!

Our Little soontobe Southern Belle

I have seen love in it’s true form yesterday and it is still going… Not because of Valentine’s Day. No, this love I have seen is not the romantic kind, but the true friendship, love of God kind.  A student, formally from Black Forest Academy, who is also the child of friends of my in-laws, went missing in the past few days in the Philadelphia area. I found out because of one of the Facebook sites of one of my girls from the Wittlingen, in Germany where I was a Resident Assistant in 2006-07. The concern and love I have seen from her and many, many others is overwhelming. Many in the area where he is from have formed search parties, a missing persons report has been sent to the police and people all over the world are praying for this 20 year old guy. I hope that if you would read this, you would join your hearts in prayer for Brian as well.

A song that I sung with my gospel choir yesterday at the Divinity School has been whirling around in my head all morning. It fits this situation, I think. It is a great reminder of God’s great love. Read the lyrics and reflect on the great love of God- greater than the hopelessness and helplessness we may find in ourselves sometimes.

Love

By Kirk Franklin

Love, a word that comes and goes,
But few people really know,
What it means to really love somebody,
Love, though the tears may fade away,
I’m so glad your love will stay,
Cause I love you,
And you show me, Jesus,
What it really means to love
[x1]

Love, the nights that I cried, you loved me,
When I should have died , you love me,
I’ll never know why you love me,
It’s a mystery to me now I’m glad I see Jesus,

When all hope was gone you love me,
You gave me a song that you loved me,
Now I can go on cause you love me,
It’s a mystery to me now I’m glad I see Jesus.

What it really means [x3]
to love

May we all continue to learn the true meaning of love today. Join me in prayer that Brian Shipley, 20 years old, would be found and brought home. Pray for healing. Pray for grace. If you live in the Philadelphia area and surrounding parts and want to keep on the lookout, let me know and I can connect you with whatever information I can find out. We have a great big God who can do anything. Praying for a miracle…